from a psychology class/relationships class.
Listed below are statements that reflect different attitudes about love/significant-other relationships. For each statement fill in the blank using the response that indicates how much you agree or disagree with that statement. The items refer to a specific love relationship.
The six styles are marked A to F in the questionnaire, corresponding to the order in the answer key that follows.
Whenever possible, answer with your current partner in mind. If you are not currently dating anyone, answer the questions with your most recent partner in mind. If you have never been in love, answer in terms of what you thing your responses would most likely be. There is no right or wrong answers -- we each carry traits from the different styles of love.
(my note -- this could reveal insights to your relationships with family and friends, too.)
The lowest number will be your main Love Style; however, we all will contain part from many different love styles. You may even have two love styles that tie for number one. This is normal and means you tend to have strong traits in both/many Love Styles. This scale is useful since it gives you a continuum perspective on your overall Love Style and how you relate to the other Love Styles
(1) Strongly Agree, (2) Moderately Agree, (3) Neutral - neither Agree or Disagree, (4) Moderately Disagree, (5) Strongly Disagree.
Love Style A: score_________ style_________
- my partner and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met
- my partner and I have the right physical chemistry between us
- Our lovemaking is intense and satisfying
- I feel that my partner and I were meant for each other
- my partner and I became emotionally involved rather quickly
- my partner and I really understand each other
- my partner fits my ideal standards for physical beauty/handsomeness
Love Style B: score_________ style_________
- I try to keep my partner a little uncertain about my commitment to him/her
- I believe that what my partner does not know about me won't hurt him/her
- I have sometimes had to keep my partner from finding out about other partners
- I could get over my affair my my partner pretty easily and quickly
- my partner would get upset if he/she knew some things I've done with others
- when my partners gets too dependent on me, I want to back off a little
- I enjoy playing the game of love with my partner and a number of other partners
Love Style C: score_________ style_________
- it is hard for me to say exactly when our friendship turned into love
- to be genuine, our love first required caring for awhile
- I expect to always be friends with my partner
- our love is the beset kind because it grew out of a long friendship
- our friendship merged gradually into love over time
- our love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion
- our love relationship is the most satisfying because it developed from a good friendship
Love Style D: score_________ style_________
- I considered what my partner was going to become in life before I committed myself to him/her
- I tried to plan my life carefully before choosing my partner
- in choosing my partner, I believe it was best to love someone with a similar background
- a main consideration in choosing my partner was how he/she would reflect on my family
- an important factor in choosing my partner was whether or not he/she would be a good parent
- one consideration in choosing my partner was how he/she would reflect on my career
- before getting very involved with my partner, I tried to figure out how compatible his/her hereditary background would be with mine in case we ever had children
Love Style E: score_________ style_________
- when things are not right with my partner and me, my stomach gets upset
- if my partner and I broke up, I would get so depressed that I would even think of suicide
- sometimes I get to excited about being in love with my partner that I cannot sleep
- when my partner does not pay attention to me, I feel sick all over
- since I have been in love with my partner, I have had trouble concentrating on anything else
- I cannot relax if I suspect that my partner is with someone else
- if my partner ignores me for a while, I sometimes do stupid things to try to get his/her attention back
Love Style F: score_________ style_________
- I try to always help my partner through difficult times
- I would rather suffer myself than let my partner suffer
- I cannot be happy unless I place my partner's happiness before my own
- I am usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let my partner achieve his/hers
- whatever I own is my partners to use as he/she chooses
- when my partner get angry with me, I still love him/her fully and unconditionally
- I would endure all things for the sake of my partner
Love Styles -- 6 Types
Love Style A: Eros
The Eros lover is characterized by passion, though a passion broader than just a physical one. The Eros lover tends to be drawn toward a preferred physical type, and thus may be an immediate recognition or "aha" when meeting a potential love partner. This lover is intense and wants to be involved with a partner on all levels, becoming physically affectionate (and intimate), talking for hours, and learning all about the partner. The Eros lover is fully and openly "present",is self-confident and trusting, and balances intensity with an appropriate sense of boundaries.
Love Style B: Ludus
The Ludus lover, in contrast, is not interested in intensity, but rather experiences love as a game to be played for mutual enjoyment but not necessarily with any serious outcome in mind. Ludic lovers do not have a preferred physical type. Although ludic lovers may be in a partnered relationship with someone, ludic love is best played with several partners at a time, so that different people may be enjoyed for different qualities, in different activities, with no one person or relationship taking precedence over another. A ludic lover may hurt a partner inadvertently, but the goal is to enjoy relationships with a variety of people, with everyone having fun and no one getting hurt.
Love Style C: Storge
The Storge lover is someone who builds a love relationship on a strong base of friendship. The goal is: A companionable, secure, trusting relationship with a partner who is similar in terms of attitudes and values. This similarity is much more important to Storge than physical appearance or sexual satisfaction because this orientation to love is more likely to seek long-term commitment rather than short-term excitement. *
Love Style D: Pragma
The Pragma lover is all that the name implies, including practical and pragmatic. A Pragma lover may or may not have a preferred physical type, but he/she will surely have a virtual (or actual) shopping list of qualities sought in a partner. This type of lover may profit from working with a matchmaker or a computer dating service, in which inappropriate relationship candidates will be screened out. "The pragmatic lover isn't looking for great excitement and drama, but, rather, for a suitable partner with whom a satisfying, rewarding life can be built." *
Love Style E: Mania
The Mania lover is also aptly characterized by the love style name, in that emotional highs and lows, as well as dependence, possessiveness, jealousy, and insecurity are typically present. A manic lover yearns for a love relationship but finds it elusive, because he/she seems compelled to push for commitment from a partner, does not really trust the commitment even if it is forthcoming, and is always afraid that the partner will find someone else. Another aspect of Mania is physical symptoms, such as difficulty eating or sleeping. Overall, the Mania lover always seems to be looking for the cloud around the silver lining.
Love Style F: Agape
The Agape lover is the rarest type of lover. Agape is characterized by altruism, such as that the partner's welfare is more important than one's own welfare, and what one can give in a relationship is more important than what one gets. indeed, Agape has much in common with compassionate love. The idealism of Agape means that there is no one preferred physical type in a partner, and indeed, sensuality and sexuality are likely to be much less important than more spiritual qualities. Although pure Agape is unlikely to exist on the physical plane of this world, agapic qualities are extremely important as relationships encounter inevitable ups and downs.
No comments:
Post a Comment